The "Other" Picture

Oh my holy cuteness.....look at Cedar with her daddy.  Precious. 

My life is glorious.

You know those days when you are being a big ole grump and scowling at your kids for no good reason other than you don't feel like smiling because you want them to know you are in a bad mood? (big sentence i know)  They just seem to be getting on your very last nerve.  Sometimes it seems I have more of those days than not.  Tuesday was extra grump with sour cream on top. 

In the middle of the Jennymisery, I went into my room, told the boys to watch the girl, and I plopped an old family video into the VCR.  I sat on my bed watching my boys at ages 6 and 4.  They were laughing.  They were talking all high pitched and adorable.  They were running around being happy. They had twinkling eyes.  My voice was on there too.  I was laughing.  I was enjoying my moments with them. 

I watched the videos...sitting on my bed...crying.  Remembering.  Remembering being a mom at that time.  Thinking how today  I was ruining these minutes, hours, by being irritable instead of noticing the goodness.  I don't want my days to be a bad home movie.  I want them to be wonderful so that when I re-play the videotape of my memory, I won't regret it.

Watching the tapes helped remind me.  They recharged my love.  It helped to see my tall/lanky, growing boys as they used to be....innocent.  Full of light.  Full of love.  Full of joy.

It helped me see that they are the same.  The same.  The very same now.

I was a different mom when I called the kids in to watch TV with me.